Oh EW

A few days ago, my worst nightmare was having bugs in my bed.

Now, it is having bugs in my FACE.

Is it Friday yet?

Don't sweat it

This is the most amazing product ever. It just straight up stops your sweat. You put it on at night, get up, shower, put on your usual deodorant, and go about your day. I have been using it for an entire week, and I have yet to begin sweating.

I'm very curious to find out how this stuff actually works. Really - how does it stop the sweat from coming out? There was a little pamphlet inside of the box, but it only told you basically not to eat it. Hmm. That's another thing I'd be curious about -- meeting someone who would consider deodorant a prospective food...

But that's another story. I'm off to enjoy my nice clean armpits!

Spring has sprung

Songs for Almost Summer

(compiled by Liz)

1. The Crane Wife 3 – The Decemberists
2. Second Day of the Year – Goldenboy
3. Where We Went Wrong – The Hush Sound
4. I Don’t Know Why – Ben Kweller
5. Don’t Call Me Whitney, Bobby – Islands
6. Starman – Seu Jorge
7. Australia – The Shins
8. With You – Stars of Track and Field
9. Halo the Harpoons – The Stills
10. Chicago – Sufjan Stevens
11. You’re the Ocean – Teitur
12. Independence Day – Elliott Smith
13. Vertigo – Jump, Little Children
14. Here Comes the Sun Again – M. Ward
15. La Piece Vide – Yann Tiersen

Getting up from under the weather...

This morning was the first time in two whole days where I didn’t have to get up and puke! Hooray, health! I’ve graduated from Sprite Zero and broth-based soup to soda crackers and apples. Tomorrow I shall try three meals!

I don’t know what I had this weekend, but it was BAD. I woke up Saturday morning, relocated from bed to toilet where I remained until around seven that night. I missed my screening of 300, my weekly library visit and a beautiful New York Saturday. The next day I ventured outdoors, ate small sliver of banana bread, spoke to another human, and watched several bad movies.

Do you remember the movie, Clue? Yes, like the game. Actually, it is the actual board game, over-cast with ridiculously talented actors and topped with stilted dialogue and corny one-liners. My cousins and I were obsessed with this movie when we were little; it was the only movie with killing in it we were allowed to rent when we stayed at our grandparents’, so we thought it was both cool and shocking. I don’t know why I thought it was shocking, seeing as I had been allowed to watch Pink Flamingos with my Uncle Bob years earlier, but even so, I still screamed when the cook falls out of the meat locker.

I also watched Heavenly Creatures, which I think might have been one of Kate Winslet’s first films. I love her. I missed a good twenty minutes because I had to run to the bathroom and was too exhausted to find the remote afterwards, but from what I did see, I gathered it was Single White Female meets The Good Son - in New Zealand. It was very pretty and

Deeply concerned

I think I might have left my space heater on in my apartment this morning. I won't be back home until after midnight tonight, so I'm a little worried something might happen. Like a fire or an explosion of some kind. I guess if it gets to be 4:00 and I haven't received a phone call, I'm in the clear, but still...I wonder.

I'm also concerned about the security of my actual apartment building. Around five this morning, I woke to deafening screams approaching the front entrance. When the screaming stopped, and I braced myself for the sound of all twenty buzzers being pressed at the same time, or at least the drunken jumbling of keys. This happens at least once a week -- people get locked out, get fed up with finding the right key and just press everyone's buttons (figuratively too) until someone responds.

Living on the second floor, you can hear most of what goes on when people enter the building (whether you want to or not), including every time a door is unlocked. I'm telling you, this person used no keys, just walked right in, through both doors, right up the stairs - until he was standing in front of MY apartment, breathing heavily.

I put a pillow in my mouth to keep from screaming, and tried to remember if I had locked the deadbolt or not (of course I did, I'm paranoid). I was about to very quietly sneak over and check it, when Whoever-It-Was started yelling: "Exterminator! Exterminator!"

He kept screaming "Exterminator!!" for several minutes, while I stayed hidden under my covers, praying that one of my bigger, stronger neighbors would wake up and get rid of him. I was considering calling the cops when the guy suddenly lowered his voice, whispered "Exterminator!" one last time, and then SPIT all over my door before taking off into the night, no doubt to terrorize someone else.

I will sleep in fear from now on!

I want to throw something

I have been stood up for meetings on three separate days this week. One. Two. Three. After factoring in the time spent on the subway, plus the time spent walking to and from each place, I realized that about seven hours of my life were wasted. Seven hours! That is practically an entire workday; I could have called in sick, spent the afternoon with my thumb up my ass and would've had more to show from it.

Do these people not have schedules? Because I do, and I am uptight about mine.

And because I am now so far behind, I am going to have to go into the office this weekend to catch up. I know it's my decision, that no one is putting a gun to my head to give up my Saturday afternoon, but if I don't go in, I'll have to stay late every day next week. I lose either way, so I might as well get it over with as soon as possible...right?

Oh, life.